Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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