i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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