When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
