I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
