we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ok first of all what the fuck
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
