i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
