You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
