I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
