she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
not ubering you a puppy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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