Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize