I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
