im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
