He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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