Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God, I missed his penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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