The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
