Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
