even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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