there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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