Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
