I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
