Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
