A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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