at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
