A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
