I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
