wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
