he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They took my balls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My breasts were aching with rage.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
