Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
