But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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