Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
