he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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