The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize