This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
