They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize