Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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