Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
