dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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