'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
