hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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