Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
