My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
