i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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