I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He shit in the fireplace
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
