I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize