i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
