put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize