you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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