he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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