Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
