if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
