This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
