Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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