It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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