Moan for me like Helen Keller
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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