So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
