She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
