He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize