i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
only if we run a train.
done.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
