Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
