remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There r osticjed everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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