My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
