No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
