Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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