my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I color on your dick again?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
