don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone came in the potted fern
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
