I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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