if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
