i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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