i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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