Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
