Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
