I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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