dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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