This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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