so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
