I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
