I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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